Who in your life has shown you respect? Respect is key in building healthy relationships from both giving and receiving respect. This week we will be looking at several stories of how we practically show respect, and what to do when others are disrespectful.
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All right, so we’re in week three of our series as pastor just talked about, you know, we talked about listening and the importance of listening. And then of course, of being kind and having compassion. This week we’re talking about respect. Respect. Let that sink in for just a second because if your mind hasn’t gone to a song by Aretha Franklin, we can’t be friends, right? Great song. You know, and she’s talking in a song about wanting respect from the man in her life and how he needs to give her respect. Sounds reasonable, right?
And we all want respect. We want respect from our spouse, we want respect from our children, we want respect from our neighbors, we want respect at work, from our boss, from our. We even want respect from strangers. When you get cut off, when you’re driving on the freeway, part of the reason we don’t like that is because they disrespected us, right? Don’t they know I’m important, that I’m trying to get to work, that I have a schedule to keep? And they disrespected us and we don’t like that.
And you know, if you pay attention, you hear this a lot. Sometimes athletes say that other team, they didn’t respect us or they didn’t respect me. And so, you know, they say, you know, you didn’t, they didn’t respect me. And so we’re going to show them, right? We beat them tonight to show them they have to respect us. I was watching a basketball game recently, two good teams. It was a close, hard fought game. And at the end of the game, some of the big stars met out on the court and they were shaking hands and talking a little bit. And the announcer goes, that’s respect. Right? That’s what we want in our lives.
And sometimes in the media, we see people who want and sometimes even demand respect. Gangs want you to respect their territory and their colors, right. Sometimes we see these groups of young people get into fights, like a little mini riot kind of big fight. And we hear them, they weren’t respecting me. They disrespected me. Sometimes we even give respect to inanimate objects. We respect the flag. And let’s be brutally honest, it’s a piece of cloth. Why do we respect that? Well, it isn’t so much the flag, but it’s what it stands for. Right. And the people who have given so much for that in the military. Anybody here ever in the military? Nobody. Wow. Okay, so we’re going to learn something about the military today. In the military, you don’t, you don’t salute other people. You salute the uniform and the insignia. And if you’re a lower rank than somebody else, you are saluting them not because of the person. You may not even know who that is, but you salute the rank and the insignia. You ever been in a courtroom? Maybe you’re on jury duty. What happens when the judge comes in? We all stand up. Why? We’re showing respect to the judge and their position. Are there bad judges in the world? Probably. Right. But we still show respect to that position. If you get stopped by a police officer who wants you to make a donation to the local policeman’s ball because you’re such an excellent driver, you probably get a little farther if you say, yes, sir and no, sir than if you’re a raging lunatic. Right? And the truth is, we all want to be respected.
Let’s turn to a text in the Bible. You may not recognize this from the text. Luke 6:31. Who knows what Luke 6:31 says? Nobody. Who knows the Golden Rule? Three of us. This is the golden rule. Luke 6:31. You there? Let’s read it together. “Do to others as you would have them do to you.” Right. It’s in the Bible. Sometimes we have these little cute sayings and we always wonder, are they in the Bible? This one is. The Golden Rule is in the Bible.
Now, we know we’re supposed to treat others the way we want to be treated. So if you want to be respected, you have to be respectful. Okay. And that’s not particularly eye opening. Right. We pretty much know that. But the question is, how do you respect somebody who doesn’t treat you respectfully? Okay. Right. Because respect seems a little low on most people’s lists these days. One example. I’m old enough to remember this, and maybe some of you are, too. I remember when we used to respect the position of the president. And even if it wasn’t your guy, right? Because I know we have our guy and the other guy, and sometimes our guy wins and sometimes the other guy wins. I get it. Your guy’s not always the guy in power. But even when your guy wasn’t the guy in power, you still. He was the president. They got some amount of respect. You may disagree with them, but they got some amount of respect. Today that just doesn’t seem true. People and both sides do this. I ain’t picking on one side or the other. Both sides do this. Some people say some really horrible things about the President, about their family, about their kids. Really? Who says something rotten about somebody else’s kids because you don’t like the adult? That says more about you than it does them. Right. But we don’t seem to do that anymore. We get really ugly and respect is all but gone.
In the Bible, we see examples of people showing respect. Daniel shows respect to a king that’s not even his king. He’s in captivity and he says, oh, great king, live forever. David shows respect to Saul when David’s already been anointed to be the next king. Abraham shows respect. Esther shows respect. We could go on and on and on.
Let’s turn to another text real quick. Philip helped us read this one this morning. First Peter 2:17. First Peter 2:17. Give me an amen when you get there. Show proper respect to who? Everyone. Love the family of believers, fear God and honor the emperor. Now the question is, what’s proper respect? Is proper respect, “Oh, you’re a CEO and you’re important, so I’ll give you respect. Oh, you’re homeless, so you don’t get much respect.” Is that proper respect? I don’t think so. Right. Because we’re all made in the image of God. Amen. Right. So we have to show proper respect.
Now, obviously, we know that the Jews didn’t particularly care for the Romans any more than we would care if somebody came and invaded us and was in control. I mean, it’s bad enough paying taxes to your own government. They couldn’t stand paying taxes to somebody else’s government. Right. But the Bible tells them, honor the emperor. Why? Why? Back to our president. One example that always amazes me is when a team wins a championship, right? The president used to invite the team to come to the Oval Office and pictures taken and whatnot. And all of a sudden, team starts saying, well, we don’t like that president. We’re not going to go. Why? Now, I get that you don’t like the president because your guy doesn’t always win. I get it. But what an opportunity to potentially make a difference. You’re going to get to talk to the president, and maybe you’ll have a moment to whisper in his ear and say, Mr. President, I know you’re considering some policy X and I’m concerned about that. Please consider this. Right. Because I can write letters to the president all day long. Is he going to read any of them? No. They get handled by some staffer or somebody. He’s never going to see them. But you had a chance to go and make a difference, even if you disagree with him. Right. And there’s probably a thousand other examples we could do.
But, you know, we Just have to try to learn to respect the people that deserve respect and use the advantages that come our way. Right? Because it’s easy to respect people we like when the marriage is going great. It’s easy to respect your spouse when the marriage is on the rocks. Do we say nice things about our spouse? Not a lot of times. Not a lot of times. That’s probably why this marriage is on the rocks. Right? It’s easy to respect the president or church leaders or your local town mayor or whatever when they do policies you like. But what if they do policies somebody else likes? All of a sudden they’re the worst person in the world. Right?
And it’s easy to respect people you agree with morally. They generally live a kind of life that’s in line with your morals. What if you knew somebody who was a porch pirate? They loved stealing those Amazon boxes and they had all kinds of goodies that they had gotten from being a porch pirate. And you think being a porch pirate is wrong. And if you don’t think being a porch pirate is wrong, pastor wants to talk to you after the service. So we, you know, you have this friend that does this thing that you don’t like. How do you show respect to that person and still be their friend, but say that you don’t like what they’re doing? That’s hard. That’s hard. We figured out how to do it in one thing. We do it with addicts who are addicted to drugs or alcohol because we say, oh, we don’t love what they do, but we love the person and we want to get them help and get them clean, but we don’t say that about anything else. We don’t say we love the person, but we don’t like the fact that he steals. We want to help him stop stealing. Nobody ever says that. So how do we do that? How do we do that? It’s hard. Here’s some general things we can do.
One, recognize our differences, but be firm and gentle in stating your beliefs. Oftentimes when we get into disagreements with somebody, our faces turn red and the volume goes up. We start yelling, okay, be firm and gentle. This is what I believe. You believe something else. This is what I believe. This is. This is what I’ve read the Bible and I understand it to say, okay, recognize our differences, but be firm and gentle in stating your beliefs. Second one is recognize our differences, but always be an example. If you’re going to say to a friend that you have a good relationship with, you know, maybe that’s not in harmony With God’s plan, you better be living a good life, right? Remember Daniel, when the people didn’t like him, they went to try and find something wrong with his life. And they couldn’t find anything wrong with his life except that he prayed. And most of us probably don’t consider ourselves on the same level as Daniel, but that’s what we’re striving for, to have that kind of life. That’s a good example.
So I want to look at a story in the Bible that kind of does this. Let’s turn to First Samuel, Chapter 25. This is a story that we don’t talk about a lot. Some of you probably know it and have heard it before, but it’s probably not the most popular story in the Bible. And so a little backstory of where we are here. Remember David gets anointed by Samuel to be king, in secret, when David’s 14ish or so. David becomes king when he’s about 30. So we got about 16 years there of time where David first serves with Saul and then he starts going on the run. So somewhere in this time period is where this story happens, probably more towards the later part of this time frame. So David’s not king yet, he’s still on the run. And let’s look down and see what happens. Everybody there? Starting on verse one.
Now Samuel died and all of Israel assembled and mourned for him. And they buried him at his home in Rama. And David moved down to the desert of Paran. A certain man in Maon had, who had property there in Carmel, was very wealthy. He had a thousand goats.” I don’t know why you’d want a thousand goats. Like one is way too many. “A thousand goats and 3,000 sheep which he was shearing in Carmel. His name was Nabal and his wife’s name was Abigail. She was intelligent and beautiful woman. But her husband was surly and mean in his dealings and he was a Calebite.”
Take a break. How come it seems like the beautiful, intelligent women always ends up with the loser guy? Except for Linda. Didn’t happen for her. But so many times we see this is happening, right? She’s beautiful and intelligent and he’s surly and mean.
Verse 4. “While David was in the wilderness, he heard that Nabal was shearing his sheep. So he sent 10 young men and said to them, go up to Nabal and Carmel and greet him in my name. Say to him, long life to you, good health to you and your household, and good health to all that Is yours. Now, I hear that it is sheep shearing time. When your shepherds were with us, we did not mistreat them. And the whole time they were at Carmel, nothing of theirs was missing. Ask your own servants and they will tell you. Therefore, be favorable towards my men, since we come at festive time. Please give your servants and your son David whatever you can find for them. When David’s men arrived, they gave Nabal this message in David’s name. And then they waited.”
All right. Does Nabal legally owe David anything? No. There’s no agreement. There’s no contract. There’s no, scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours. Right? There’s nothing. He doesn’t legally owe him anything. But remember, David’s on the run from Saul, and so his men would have been standing guard 24 7. Right now, the shepherds, Nabal’s shepherds are in there. So are other robbers coming to steal Nabal’s sheep with David’s men standing guard? What about lions or bears or wolves? Nope. Nope. It’s quite possible that Nabal didn’t lose a single animal this year, other than maybe old age or one or two that got sick. He had a really good year, and a lot of that was due to David and his men.
Verse 10. “Nabal answered, David’s servants, who is this David? Who is this son of Jesse? Many servants are breaking away from their masters these days. Why should I take my bread and water and the meat I have slaughtered for my shearers and give it to men coming from who knows where? David’s men turned around and went back. When they arrived, they reported every word David said to his men. Each of you strap on your sword. And so they did, and David strapped on his as well. And about 400 men went up with David, while 200 stayed behind with supplies.”
Now, was Nabal respectful? No. What he says, I mean, he’s like, who’s David? He’s a lowlife. I don’t know who that is. He broke away from his master. What a scumbag. All these guys that are with him, who knows where they came from? Losers, right? He’s pretty rude. Okay. Could Nabal have said no in a way that was respectful? Probably. Probably. David still might not have liked it, but it wouldn’t have had all the insults. So David’s pretty mad, and he’s going to make them pay, right? Strap on your swords. We’re going to go teach them a lesson. We’re going to go show them. And I want you to be careful, because whenever you hear yourself saying those words, chances are you’re about to act disrespectfully and we try and justify it. When he said this. I’m going to show him. When you hear yourself saying those words, chances are you are about to act disrespectfully.
Let’s Continue on verse 14. “When one of the servants told Abigail, Nabal’s wife, David sent messengers from the wilderness to give our master his greetings, but he hurled insults at them. Yet these men were very good to us. They did not mistreat us the whole time we were in the fields near them. Nothing was missing. Night and day, they were a wall around us the whole time while we were herding our sheep near them. Now think it over and see what you can do, because disaster is hanging over our master and his whole household. He is such a wicked man. Nobody can talk to him.”
Now, that’s bold. Can you imagine being a servant somewhere and going to the wife and saying, your husband is such a wicked man? I mean, that’s a good way to have some consequences you might not want, right? But that says a lot about the kind of person Nabal was, because Abigail basically agreed, right? He must have truly been an awful person.
In verse 18, she acts quickly and starts gathering up a bunch of food. Now, this probably all happens in one day. David’s men are there in the morning. They get an answer, they ride back, they get upset. They’re coming back in the afternoon, so she doesn’t have a lot of time. And I have this mental image of Abigail standing in the cooking area barking out orders to everybody she can gather. You know, we’re baking bread. Grab some of this, grab some of that. Get the donkeys. We’re loading stuff up, and they’re doing as much as they can do in a short time. Okay? They don’t have a lot of time. And so they get everything loaded on the donkeys and they head out to meet David without telling Nabal.
Verse 20. “And she came riding her donkey into a mountain ravine. There were David and his men descending towards her, and she met them. David had just said, it’s been useless all my watching over this fellow’s property in the wilderness so that nothing of his was missing. He has paid me back evil for good. May God deal with David, be it ever so severely by mourning if I leave one male of all who belong to him.”
Wow. I mean, David’s fixing to show him, right? Let’s see what Abigail says.
Verse 23. “Abigail saw David, and she quickly got off her donkey and bowed Before David, with her face to the ground, she fell at his feet and said, pardon your servant, my lord, and let me speak to you. Hear what your servant has to say. Please pay no attention, my lord, to that wicked man Nabal. He is just like his name. His name means folly, and folly goes with him. As for me, your servant, I did not see the men my lord sent. And now, my lord, as surely as the Lord your God lives, and as you live, since the Lord has kept you from bloodshed and from avenging yourself with your own hands, may your enemies and all who are intent on harming you, my lord, be like Nabal and let this gift which your servant has brought to my lord be given to the men who follow you.”
Listen to what she says here. I mean, this is like prophecy almost.
“Please forgive your servant’s presumption. May the Lord your God will certainly make a lasting dynasty for my lord, because you fight the Lord’s battles and no wrongdoing will be found in you as long as you live, even though someone is pursuing you to take your life. The life of my Lord will be bound securely in the bundle of the living by the Lord your God. But the lies of your enemies, he will hurl away as from a pocket of a sling. And the Lord has fulfilled for my lord every good thing he has promised concerning him, and he has appointed him ruler over Israel. My lord will not have on his conscience the staggering burden of needless bloodshed or of having avenged himself. When the Lord your God has brought you, my lord, to success, remember your servant.”
Wow. She was intelligent. She could see that the Lord was with David. I tried to do some research to figure out if it was common knowledge, if people knew that David had been anointed to be king. There’s not a lot out there on it, but I think generally the answer is no. Most people didn’t know that David had been anointed to be the next king. It was done in secret. And most people didn’t know, but they could still see that God was with David. And she can see it, and she says it. Right.
And was Abigail respectful? Yes, very. Extremely right. And she protects her husband, the fool she respects. She protects everybody that works for him, and she protects David. I mean, that’s getting it done. That’s getting it done. There’s always a way to walk that fine line and find a way to get it done. It may be hard to find, it may not be easy to do, but there’s a way to do it.
The rest of the story she goes back, finds Nabal drunk and feasting. She doesn’t tell him anything. The next morning she tells him, he has a heart attack and dies 10 days later. David hears of this and realizes that God has protected him from bloodshed and Abigail has protected him. And he asked Abigail to be his wife. And she does. If I had been like David, I’d have made sure Abigail was next to me anytime. Foreign dignitaries came to visit because she. She had a good head on her shoulders. Okay, she was getting it done.
What do we learn from this? We can learn a whole raft of lessons, but one is don’t treat disrespect with more disrespect. Because that’s our first go to option. Most of the time I’m going to show him, I’m going to teach him. He won’t treat me like that again. That’s not how you be respectful to them or yourself. Be like Abigail. Let your actions speak and do what is right. Right. Let your actions speak and do what is right. She found a way to protect her husband and everybody that worked there and respect David all at the same time. And there’s going to be times where this is going to be a really hard line to find. Search it out anyway, because I think there is a way to do it.
Reflection. Have you been less than respectful to someone or a group of someones? Sometimes we can disrespect the group of people. How can you change that?
And your challenge” Can you disagree with someone without being disagreeable? Show respect for the person, but continue to do what you believe to be right. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve had people disagree with me. I mean, I used to work at very large aerospace company with lots of smart people, lots of engineers, and we would have disagreements about what was the right way to do something. Gustavo, you probably had this at your work, right? There’s lots of people, how do we stop the landslide? And there’s different opinions and different things we think about we should do. And there’s disagreements. Do you still respect the other person? Hopefully you try to, right? You can’t just say you’re an idiot. That’ll never work. Right. You can’t do that. So you have to try and show respect. Disagree, you’ll win some, you’ll lose some. But you continue to hold faith or hold fast to what you believe in and do what is right.
And I think once we learn to listen, show kindness and compassion, to be respectful, then we can really make a difference in the world. Amen.
Let us pray. Heavenly Father, thank you so much for this story that teaches us about the importance of respect. Lord, we’re so grateful, so grateful for the things that you do for us, Lord. Help us to be respectful all the time. When there’s people that we disagree with, when there’s people we’re not sure that sometimes maybe we’re not even sure we really like that person. Help us to find a way to be respectful. Help us to find a way to stand firm for what we believe in. Not just cow down and cower in the corner, but to stand firm but still be respectful. There’s a way to do it. Lord. Give us your wisdom to help us find it. We ask that you be with us this upcoming week. Keep us safe. In Jesus name, Amen.